SILVER LINING DRAWN

How can some one with those big curious eyes tells you to do something and you do it like a slave , how can they be so intimidating and arousing at the same time. how can one face become your identity and you cant identify with any other face crossing you everyday. How can each and every topic can be traced back to the same name. why is this even happening or m I getting delusional .why there are moments of total blackout and everything seems to be just waste. Why there is always a hope in spite of all doors being closed. Why does wait seems to be the most viable option instead of better ones like recovery . why everything is so normal  and why cant I feel it, how m I  supposed to function being heartless, aimless and soulless . why can’t I just move on , why my every attempt just boomerangs , why  I have knowingly  crossed the rubicon. What else does she wants from me ? I have given my time , my smiles, my tears , my love and some hate too. Still it feels as if its not enough . leave aside enough,  the cravings seems to grow gradually . robbing me off my dreams , my aspirations,  she managed to get not just the last laugh but has cast a spell of perennial sorrow .it messed my life , ruined my plans and still i smiled  , seemed to me some sort of dementia  which hushed the prudent voice n yelled the dreadful one, sabotaging  my composure n  keeping me restless beyond imagination  . sometimes its really hard to imagine life without seeing her in the college corridors , occasionally talking to her and once in a while sitting together. her sweet but commanding talks that often made me feel servile, her nice little pink lips changing colors depending on her mood  , her dazzling eyes which  expresses a whole gamut of emotions  ranging from concern , sympathy to  naughtiness , serenity and understanding .life , as far as I have realized, is like living in a very big hotel , the people in your room are the people with whom you are gonna get old with ,the silver lining is that anybody can come and go out of your room as they please...